My World in Words
Welcome to my blog, the place I try to put my inner world into words, aiming to share wisdom gained through experience, hope, mistakes, and everything that makes life both beautiful and messy.
FYI - Posts will appear haphazardly and on no set schedule other than the one life sets out for me. Things get a little chaotic at times, but I will always return eventually.
When special occasions become hard to celebrate.
After five years I thought it would be easier, but Monday proved to me that I still have a long way to go before the 26th of August will be an easy day for me to get through. I still don't know what to do. Do I tell people to ignore it and then deal with feeling relieved, but also a little cheated and unloved when they actually do? Or do I allow the extra attention and feel infinitely loved and appreciated, but deal with more flashbacks and PTSD symptoms than I otherwise would? It feels like either way at the moment I am left conflicted. That makes it damn hard, because everyone around me wants to just do what is best for me. I'm still not sure how anyone can help or what they should say/not say. Bringing attention to the date reminds me of the trauma, but then someone saying anything other than happy birthday and being cautious around me or ignoring it reminds me that my birthday has been tainted and I am missing out on a wonderful celebration.